Ess-a Home Delivery

I finally made good on my bagel courier career (see February post). Four salt, four nine grain w/honey, four oat bran, four cinnamon raisin and three everything later, the bagels have been delivered. The next time you're in New York, check out one of the two Ess-a-Bagel locations.

"No"

While entertaining children with the average age of 3.2916666666666666666666666666667, one learns a number of ways to say a polite "no." Here are a few that might work for you.

• How about later? ("later" is defined as 20 seconds for someone with the average age of 3.29)
• I spy with my little eye... (a mere distraction method; quite effective for anyone with the average age of 3.29, for at least 20 seconds anyway)
• I don't think so. (this means, I beg you to ask me again in 20 seconds)
• Not now. (see "later" defined in the first bullet point)
• It's all gone. (by "gone," again, it means you should ask me again in 20 seconds)

My husband displays a more patient side by actually turning a "no" into a teachable moment. He is a better person than I.

Baked Wrapped Tilapia

My friend found THE yummiest (and easiest) baked wrapped tilapia recipe! It's just as good wrapped in tinfoil only without the banana leaves. Thanks Epicurious.com!

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

Well, it wasn't quite in that order...actually it was more like planes, automobiles, automobiles, trains and automobiles. That was my trip to New York. Needless to say, it was a long day.

Jury Duty

I'm all for doing my civic duty. However, being summoned for jury duty this week seemed like quite an inconvenience. So, here are the top five ways to get out of jury duty.

5. You look just like Judge Wapner
4. Define "reasonable" and "doubt"
3. What evidence? They're all guilty
2. Who cares if it's just a parking ticket...capital punishment for all
1. I object!

Happy Independence Day!

As you can see, we spent the evening with special friends.

We hope you had a special day too!

I'm going to be an Aunt!

How exciting! Let the spoiling begin.

Breasted, Big Indian

By the title, one would think that perhaps a new exotic bird species had been discovered somewhere in the remote regions of Mumbai.

Nope.

This utterance actually occurred in modern day, office building setting.

As I waited in our office lobby, the building security guard and I made idle chit-chat. By definition, 'idle chit-chat' should involve topics such as the weather, traffic, a "how ya doin'?," and a hundred other safe and innocuous subjects.

Well, on this particular day, chit-chat wandered to my nationality. Obviously, this in itself is a safe and innocuous topic.

[AN ASIDE] As most of readers of this blog know, I am Korean born.

Now, when most people ask, and I 'chit' that I'm Korean, a typical 'chat' goes something like this, "you look Korean." On a rare occasion, "you look Chinese" or "perhaps a mix." All of this is still safe, innocuous, and idle and provides for a lovely conversation.

So, I was ill-prepared for the response on this particular day.

"Big."

That is, the security guard, a professed-Korean responded, "you're too big to be Korean."

Hmmmm, how does one respond? Politely, I stood there somewhat unresponsive, not really sure what the correct response from a God-fearing woman should be.

Because of my sudden silence, the security guard believed further explanation might assist. Upon which he said, "see, your wrists...too big; shoulders...too big; you're too tall..."

"...big, Big, BIG, BIG, BIG..."

Okay, I got the "BIG". Please stop saying BIG!

Apparently, further explanation still needed, he paused for a moment and said, "You look Indian."

Hmmmm. Big. Indian. Interesting.

As I mentioned, I've been called a few variations of Asian before, but never Indian. So at this point, my self-image is that of a "Big Indian Woman," apparently with Korean eye features.

Well, now that I have a complex about being too big for my nationality, more explanation still needed, he proceeded to also explain that "Koreans are flat." As he said "flat," he made animated hand motions to indicate flat in his upper chest.

Thus, we now have the title to this blog post.

So, as you might imagine, I:
1). still prefer safe, innocuous, and idle chit-chat, and
2). now prefer avoiding our building's lobby from the 3pm-11pm shift, Wednesday through Sunday.