Guys guide to prepare for PMA: Diamonds, Dinner, & Flowers

There are two events that occur that send shock waves throughout the Camera enthusiast world, Photokina which happens every other year, and the PMA which occurs annually. Each of these international conferences/trade shows/pilgrimages are used by Photographic equipment manufactures such as Nikon, Canon, & now Sony to introduce their new wares.

The manufacturers use 'leaks', pre-show announcements, pre-show demo's in order to build the buzz. In the minds of the enthusiasts, these new products quickly transform into their own Grails. Consequently, the enthusiasts focus almost all of their energy into anticipating, predicting, and planning their acquisitions on their new objet du désir. To the enthusiast, this enveloping preoccupation can be to the exclusion non-essentials such as bread or water.

I wrote the below entry in a renown & global digital photography forum called www.dpreview.com.


Guys,

As you know, one of our own special holidays is just around the corner. That's right, the Glorious Days-of-PMA Festival, also known to some merely as "PMA".


Perhaps like you, during such time, I wonder if I've been good enough so that when Mr. Sony Claus or Mr. Santa Canon visit during PMA season, I'll get more than coal. So to make sure we don't get coal during the PMA season, now is the time to prepare.

Some may ask, "How do we prepare for the Glorious Days-of-PMA Festival"? Here I will give my guidance to the Men of dpreview.com. Women of dpreview should shield their eyes and, for their own sakes, not read the following.

Men, we prepare for this important holiday, the Glorious Days-of-PMA Festival, with a little investment in one of the lesser known holidays. Here I speak of "Valentines Day".

Although this lesser holiday often passes the photographic gadget lover with out notice, it is important to fulfill the requirements of this so-called Valentines Day.

**"Why?", you may ask. Because, in order to earn the right to the new camera and PMA ...(Here Is The Secret)... we must fully satisfy the traditional Valentines Day requirements.

Moreover, nota bene, this so-called Valentines Day, unlike the other holidays, requires work on our part. There is no grace here.

Before I detail the preparation for the Glorious Days-of-PMA Festival, let me address the skeptics and unbelievers for a moment.

Perhaps you don't believe that Valentines Day even exists, as once I didn't believe. Well, my gracious wife of... um ... 8... no, wait ...um...9 years carefully and gently pointed out this holiday on an official Hallmark(c) calendar. There it was, in plain pink and white writing; smack-dab in the middle of a perfectly good workweek. Wednesday, 14th of February, 2007 is, in fact, "Valentines Day"

Although the history of Valentines Day is shrouded in a bit of mystery it somehow relates to martyrdom on the 14th of Feb. This makes sense to me, since husbands and boyfriends have to do most of the work on this holiday. (Which I'm told does not nearly make up for the remaining 364 days of the year)
Anyway, back to preparation for the Glorious Days-of-PMA Festival.

Men, the important things to note are the traditional Valentines Day requirements that are placed on the shoulders of photographic gadget lovers.
Why?
As I said earlier -

In order to earn the right to the new camera...[ raise your hand and repeat after me ]... "We must fully satisfy the traditional Valentines Day requirements." [OK, say it again...stop..OK...put your hand down...close enough. ]

In order to earn the right to the new camera & trip to PMA you may ask, "What are those traditional V-day requirements"? Well, I'm glad you asked.
They are:
1) GIFTS
2) FLOWERS & CHOCOLATE (which I have been taught are not gifts)
3) TIME WITH YOU (which still is a mystery to me)
4) THOUGHTFULNESS (in all the above.)

Below are the preparation instructions & some explanations.

1) GIFTS
1.1) You will buy a gift for your spouse/girlfriend/co-signer/better-half.
1.2) You will be thoughtful in your gift, which means that,
1.3) You will not buy something from your wish list, instead,
1.4) You will buy a gift that she really wants.
1.4.1) She may have been hinting at this since early Jan.
1.4.2) If, like me sometimes, you weren't really listening, you may:
1.4.2.1) ask her sister or
1.4.2.2) ask one of her friends, (except the slutty one).
(I have asked her sister, and it helped). Regardless,
1.5) You must have the gift by COB Tuesday.
EXPLANATION: It is expected that photographic and other gadget lovers, for this day, ** will NOT ** spend money on their collection of gadgets, photographic supplies, cables, lens, filters, software, lighting supplies, tripods, mono-pods etc. As shocking as this sounds, your wish list is 'streng verboten'.

2) FLOWERS & CHOCOLATE
2.1) 12 Red Long-stem Roses, plus,
2.2) The other type of flower she really likes anyways.
2.3) You will buy Chocolate - something:
2.3.1) with a fancy name,
2.3.2) in fancy packaging,
2.3.3) from a fancy store.
EXPLANATION: M&Ms are great for you, not for her. This has to do with her sense of portions. If she eats just one, she does not consider herself to be bad. So, you can help her to find a way to eat as many "just ones" as possible. Boxes with individually placed / wrapped chocolates is such a mechanism for her to eat "just one" through the entire box.

3) TIME WITH YOU.
3.1) Yuck.
3.2) Eeeuuuw.
EXPLANATION: Why would someone want to spend time with you or with me? Now, wanting to spend time with my beautiful wife, that, I understand. Anyway, plan on at least dinner...make it, if you have skills. Or, go to a really cool place you know. She may have already hinted. If all is going to plan, and you really want to earn that camera ... go to a different, but equally cool place for dessert.

4) THOUGHTFULNESS (in all the above.)
4.1) Start planning your work today!
4.2) Start working your plan tomorrow!
EXPLANATION: All of this must be as carefully thought out as you have with your predictions on the new camera models and their corresponding names.

BOTTOM-LINE.

Men, look at the names on the forum list, I don't expect all of you will make it through Valentines Day successfully.

However for the few of you that will do the right thing and prevail, here is the bottom-line: If you have accomplished your Valentines Day mission competently, you MAY, at the end of the complete & successful Valentines Day regimen, mention only one thing about the Glorious Days-of-PMA Festival.

At the end of the day, when it is quiet, when the Valentines Day mission is a success, and you are close to each other, you can say only this one thing - You may say, "We should go somewhere in March."


Men, good luck on your mission.



brian